


Septic Android + Alex and the Ipliers

by MarsupialsOfMars



Category: egos - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:49:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22381360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsupialsOfMars/pseuds/MarsupialsOfMars
Summary: Noticing Jack is getting worn out by running a household of six egos, they decide to get him an android to help out. + said android meets the Iplier egos (second story abandoned)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Septic Android + Alex and the Ipliers

**Author's Note:**

> One of the works i'm moving over here (in case tumblr absolutely dies in one way or another), it's pretty old.

Jack groaned, rubbing his temples to alleviate the headache building behind his eyes. His skull pounded and his deep bags almost reached his cheekbones. He winced at every shout, every bang.

“JAAACK!” He hissed at the scratchy, broken voice. He turned as his blue eyes caught a pair of glassy purple ones.

“I fell and it came off again!”

He sighed, inspecting the fleshy lavender object in the zombies shriveled, open palm. It turned out to be his other palm. The bone protruding, jutting from the wrist. He didn't know why Robbie insisted on coming to HIM with these problems.

“I’m sure Shneep has his sewing kit in his room. Why not ask him to help?” The corpse shook his head, his shedding violet hair drifting in tufts to his shoulders.

“He’s busy.”

Jack sighed with dread. What now? “What’s he busy with Rob?” Robbie shrugged, causing his shoulder to pop slightly out of place.

“Dunno, something about Jackie and Antis fight.”

Jack groaned. Another fight? He could understand their dislike for each other considering their whole hero-villain dynamic. Jackieboy man had asked him repeatedly why he let anti stay in the house and his answer was always the same. Because as a Septiceye, he has just as much right as the rest of them. Though he did seem to be much more of a nuisance than the others, though they weren’t always too easy either.

“I need to see the damage…” He got up from the couch, Robbie tagging along.

“But I thought you were going to help ME! You never help me first!” the zombie humphed loud, the gust of rotten air catching Jack off guard. He coughed.

“Because you break all the time. You can handle not being fixed for a while.”

Robbie seemed to grudgingly agree, if his silence was anything to go by.

“HEY MAN!” Jack could recognize the egos voices as their own, even though they were technically the same. This one was chipper with dudebro undertones.

“Sorry Chase I’m a little busy right now!” He ignored Jack and started keeping pace with him.

“You need to be in my next vid! I can’t have a paintball fight with just one person! And views skyrocket whenever you’re involved!”

At this point all jack cared about was checking on Shneep then getting some sleep. That rhymed…Shneep sleep Shneep sleep… he was jolted back awake at chases voice. “You gonna be there?!”

“Yeah… yeah course man.” Chase beamed.

“Thanks bro! Up top!” Jack stared at his hand. He feebly slapped his hand to chases and shot him a finger gun before continuing down the hall.

He suddenly felt a hand pat his shoulder and ruffle his hair. He immediately knew which this was. The only ego who didn’t greet him loudly and boisterously. He turned.

“Hey Jamie. Need anything?” Jameson Dapper nodded and signed.

*You seen Brody anywhere?*

Jack nodded. Thankfully he didn’t need help with anything physical. “Yeah, he just passed me. I think he went to his room.

*thanks. I’ve been meaning to talk to him about paintball.* He walked off, leaving Jack confused as ever. It didn’t matter. He continued down the hall, Robbie tailing him. He finally reached the bedroom and/or office of Dr Henrik Von Shneepelstein.

The doctor was leaned over Jackie’s motionless body on the bed.

“Hey Doc. Anything serious?”

“Greetings Jack! Nothing serious it seems at the moment no. Bloody nose. Pulled wrist. Normal fistfight outcomes.”

The doctor was close to the only other responsible one in the building which jack could appreciate. “Was Anti hurts too?”

“Oh…” Shneep sneered. “The glitch boy… he was fine. Bruises maybe, nothing extra bad. Simply a horrible person.”

Jack nodded. Though he let Anti try to be a team player he never seemed to catch on. Jack rubbed his temples as the migraine built into his brain.

“Are you okay Jack? Are you hurt my friend?” Shneep looked worried. He smiled at the docs concern.

“Just a migraine. I’m okay.”

“You are no such thing!” Henrik laid jack on the bed next to Jackie. He gently wet a rag with cold water and folded it, placing it on jacks eyes. “Rest. Doctors orders.” Jack nodded and sighed.

He needed a break.  
Jack yawned. His eyes were crusted and the voices in the room sounded like they were underwater. He cracked his eyes open and rolled to the side to see Henrik at his laptop, Jackieboy, Marvin, Jameson, Chase and Robbie all huddled around him. He must’ve dosed off.

His heart started beating faster. Did he miss an upload? Did Robbie get fixed? Did Anti cause more trouble? Scenarios pummeled his brain. He pushes himself up, pulling the linen blanket around his shoulders.

“Shneep?” He squeaked out. The doctor turned to him and his eyes lightened.

“OH! Jack, you are awake! We were just talking about you-“ he was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder as Jameson pointed to something on the screen. “Ah yes how could I forget?” He fixed something he was working on and turned back.

Jack tipped his head. “Is everything okay? Did I miss anything? What are you working on?” Shneep grinned in excitement.

“Only a gift for you!” His German accent only got thicker in his excitement. Jack was confused.

“Is it a holiday…?” Shneep laughed.

“No it is no holiday! It’s a thank you gift!” The egos surrounding him nodded in confermation.

“A… thank you gift? What did I do?” Shneeps expression became serious.

“When you came in earlier, I realized you were severely sleep deprived. It forced me to consider all you do for zis household. You need more help around here. Whether you’d like to admit it or not. We’re a handful sometimes.”

“All the time.” Jackieboy chimed in. His mask was on his forehead and his nose was bandaged.

Jack couldn’t disagree. Living in such a hectic house WAS getting to him… even though he never liked to admit it in fear that they’d think he was saying he disliked them. “Wait… what kind of gift can help me around the house?”

Jameson chimed in.

*Well, we realized you were hounded with tasks and chores we gave you. So we thought that if we got you something to take care of a good amount of those, you’d be happier and healthier.*

“So!” Robbie chimed in, looking to Henrik for permission to reveal. He nodded. “We’re ordering you an android!”

Jack was washed with confusion. “Wait, hows a phone gonna do chores?”

Robbie giggled. “Not a phone! An android! Like a robot!”

Jacks eyes widened with shock. “You’re getting me an android?! Don’t those cost a fortune?!”

Henrik chuckled proudly. “Please, Jack, I am a world renowned doctor. I can operate on demons and the undead. I have the money.”

He turned back to his laptop, leaving Jack to wonder at the idea. An android… he swung his legs over the side of the bed and huddled over between a red bodysuit and a blue vest to catch a glimpse at the laptop.

He gasped. They had already uploaded a set of photos from his Instagram which formed the body and face of the robot. They were making it look like him. Fitting if he was going to be part of the family. The onscreen display showed premium features, speakers, wheels, grappling arms, all hidden under the synthetic flesh like a Swiss Army knife. He could barely count them all.

“Should we make the base color green? Or something else?” The doctors voice snapped Jack out of his trance. He looked at the color gradient, watching the lights of the 3D model change color as the doc slid his mouse around the palette.

“I think I like the original blue. It makes it more soothing looking. And pretty.” Shneep nodded and selected the default.

Jack pulled up the website on his phone while Shneep fine tuned the details. AI Innovation Co… He read through the descriptions of the models. This company seemed to be the most distinguished and respected. They had models made for so many companies… Windows, Apple, Google, Firefox, explorer… even Bing had somehow mustered the money to have one built.

He soon realized this must be where Mark had gotten his robots, which did put him off a bit. Mark had put in a few complaints of his Google model committing different forms of manslaughter. But a quick search through customer help revealed the problem had been solved with the implement of slightly stricter laws of robotics. His wouldn’t have the same glitches.

In fact the longer he browsed his Amazon branded model, Alexa IRL, the more it seemed like the highest praised, most fine tuned robot on the market. There were very few customer reviews considering androids were often considered luxuries for millionaires, but what he read filled him with even more excitement.

‘Excelent model! Was exploring replacements for my Explorer IRL, which was sent with a waterproofing error, and this one is much better! Reliable and durable, the best thing amazon has made besides the website itself!’

‘I was experiencing issues with a stubborn and often disobedient Google model, but as soon as I got this one it was a breath of fresh air! It functions much differently, focusing on commands rather than questions, and is always happy to help!’

‘My first android! So far no problems in the few months I’ve had her! The kids love her, she’s the perfect full time nanny! No more waking up at 4am, she’s like a baby monitor that actually solves the problem! Her administrator set child locks make sure she never gives the kids too many sweets before bed, and always gets them to sleep on time! 10/10 would recommend!

By the time he was finished, Jack was ecstatic. It was perfect! Childproofing could come in handy so Anti couldn’t use him for evil… he’d be perfect for fixing Robbie's mishaps…

Marvin spoke up, his cape swishing as he turned to Jack. “It says we need voice samples… you could read off a dictionary. But it suggests that if you have any videos of the person being modeled, it can sample from that. Lifesaver. Should we just upload the channel?

Jack nodded. “At this point I’ve probably said most words in the English language.”

Marvin chuckled. “It’s so advanced… it says something about if a word occurs multiple times, it chooses the tone best fit for the sentence…”

Jack grinned. The concept only exited him more and more!

“And…” Shneep dragged out the word as a loading bar filled. “Done! Does it look good Jack?”

Jack looked. He was so cool looking… he made sure the features were correct… he even had a sewing kit built in for Rob… he was smooth, shiny, and clean cut. He leaned over shneeps shoulders and set the robot clean shaven. It only fit his sleek design. “Perfect!” He loaded it again and added to cart. He chuckled at the banner saying ‘free shipping on orders over $30!’

He looked back at the egos who each nodded in turn. Some were absent. But they wouldn’t mind. He hit order.  
Jack sighed. The lamp was broken, there were shards of broken window everywhere, the ground was littered with crumbled Froot Loops… it was obviously Anti. Another fight maybe, or just boredom. Either way, he needed to be confronted.

“ANTI!!!” He didn’t expect a reply. Whenever Anti did something like this he hid in his room. He was almost like a pet cat. He’d have bursts of spastic energy, then disappear and seclude himself from any human contact.

This in mind, Jack was caught off guard when he felt claws grab his arm. “BOO!”

He whipped around to see Anti grinning from ear to ear. He was always slightly off put by the demons rows of knife-like teeth and shadowed neon eyes. But he ignored it. He knew Anti couldn’t harm him after his first attempt. He silently thanked Shneepelstein for that.

Jack motioned to the mess. “Was this you?!” Anti surveyed the debris.

“Not as far as I know.” He tapped his chin in mock confusion. Jack growled.

“You need to clean up your messes!” Anti laughed, only adding to Jacks anger.

“Oh our maid can’t do it?”

“We don’t HAVE a maid!” Anti giggled and ruffled Jacks hair.

“I’ve never had to clean up a mess. As long as I leave it long enough it always goes away. I just assumed it was a maid… or a cleaning fairy…” He smirked, his head twitching as he glitched in amusement.

Jack glared at Anti as he grudgingly recalled every time he snapped and cleaned out Antis messes. He had enough problems and chores without having to tiptoe around broken glass and mystery stains.

“Just clean it! I don’t want anyone getting cut!”

“I wouldn’t mind if someone got cut…” he giggled like a child.

Jack had had it. “Anti, I’m gonna count to ten! And if you aren’t on your knees and cleaning, I’m taking away your knife collection!”

Antis smile fell suddenly. “You wouldn’t dare…” His tone was cold and menacing, and would’ve definitely scared Jack if it wasn’t for The Cure. But Anti could do nothing. It was his turn to smirk.

“Wouldn’t I?” Anti growled loud in indignation and fell to his knees, scooping glass into his hand, his flesh immediately bleeding as it filled with cuts.

“Use a dustpan!”

“NO!”

Jack sighed. If this is how he was going to rebel, he couldn’t really do anything to stop it. He was such a child sometimes…

“Just clean the blood too okay bud?”

Anti groaned and threw a shard of glass at Jack, narrowly missing his temple. Jack nodded. He was used to near injury at this point.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“JACK! JACK!” Marvin’s voice rang out from the front room. Robbie’s scratchy voice followed.

“THE GUY! THE GUY IS HERE!”

Jack cocked his head. What guy? Were they expecting someone? Suddenly Jackie barreled past him, simultaneously pulling his mask over his eyes. So ‘the guy’ didn’t see his secret identity most likely. “IT’S HERE!!!”

“WHATS HERE?!” Jack called after the streak of red and blue.

Chase threw open the door to his room. “He’s here?!” Before he could sprint down to join the others, Jack grabbed hold of his shoulder.

“What’s here?!” Chase grinned.

“It has to be the android! It said four weeks!”

Jack lit up in excitement. He’d almost forgotten!

Anti groaned from the next room. “Why is everyone YELLING?!”

Nobody had told Anti about the android. He wasn’t there when they ordered, and it just didn’t seem nessesary.

“Our new android is here.”

Antis eyes widened in shock. “An android?! Why the fuck did nobody tell me?!”

Jamie came calmly down the hallway. *you never asked.*

Anti dropped his handful of glass and rushed to the door, crowding in with the others who slightly moved away from him warily.

Jack joined them, looking through the blinds. The thirty something year old UPS delivery man lugged the box up the porch steps, ringing the bell once he got to the top. Jack immediately answered the door, seeming to startle the poor man.

“Delivery for a Mr. Henrik Shnee-“ he squinted, “Shneepelstein?” Jack had forgotten it was on his card.

“Just a moment, Sorry.” He realized Henrik wasn’t with the others crowded by the door. Probably busy. He trotted down the hall to Shneeps bedroom, finding him on his laptop with earbuds in. “Shneep!” He waved his hand.

Shneep caught the movement from the corner of his eye. “Oh!” He removed an earbud, soft classical music flowing from the now exposed speaker. “Is there a problem?”

“The android is at the door, you need to sign for it.” Shneep brightened.

“Ah! Finally, some help!” He rolled out from his desk and followed Jack to the door. He pushed past Jack and took the clipboard from the delivery man. He scribbled his signature.

“Thank you… keep the blue copy.” The man clicked his pen and left to his truck, leaving the box in the porch. Robbie shoved past.

“I’ll get it!” His cracked hands clamped the sides of the box, yanking hard. His shoulders popped and his arms tore off, sending him falling backward with a yelp. Shneep sighed, collecting the limbs and sitting Rob on the couch, laying them next to him.

Chase ran out, shoving the box into the house. There it sat. it was about four by three feet. And it would solve all Jacks problems.  
Jack ran his hand along the sides of the box. The cardboard was smooth on his palms and cool from the brief trek through the fall air. He stared a bit. It was like adopting a child. He would name him and love him and-

“You gonna open it or what?” Chase was bouncing his leg restlessly. “I wanna see it!”

Jack chuckled. “Okay okay!” He looked down at the packaging tape, criss-crossed and secure. “Can somebody grab some scissors?”

Anti rolled his eyes and yanked the box from Jack. Jack yelped and grabbed for it but Anti held up his hand.

“I got this. Calm down.” He sharpened a shining black claw and punctured the edge of the tape.

“Careful!” Jack didn’t trust Anti completely no matter how simple a task.

“Calm your tits. I’m just opening it.” He slid his claw down the tape with ease. It was almost impressive, but it still set Jack on edge. The second the tape was out of the way, he yanked the box back.

Anti scoffed. “Paranoid much?” Jack ignored his jab.

The egos watched in awe as Jack lifted the flaps. Jack first removed the airbags on top and handed them to Chase. Chases eyes lit and he began loudly popping them one at a time. Jack winced. “Chase, save those for your room okay?”

“Oh sorry!” He flushed and put them in his lap. Jack chuckled. He looked back to the box to see a layer of Styrofoam. He dug his fingers between the sheet and the box, pulling it out. He gasped.

The box seemed to be arranged in layers of Styrofoam, with different parts of the android on each one. This one was hands, feet, joints, and spare screws.

He glid his fingers down the hand. It was cool to the touch and felt like real skin. It put him off a bit, feeling skin cold and unattached to a body. But it was still amazing how realistic it was. It wasn’t skin color though, it was pure jet black, like it had been soaked in printer ink.

He hadn’t bothered to suggest the kind meant to pass as a real human, it would just be more money. He knew mark had invested in real skin color for his two, though he didn’t think they had the extra extensions, like a faux heartbeat, breathing mechanics, skin warming systems… some people really wanted realism. But for this ones uses, he didn’t need to be human. That was the beauty of him.

Jack took the pieces from the fitted Styrofoam casing and set them aside. He lifted the second layer to uncover forearms and calves the same black as the hands and feet. Fleshy just the same, and as jack felt them, padding had been inserted to simulate the feel of muscle.

The next layer was thighs and upper arms. The arms were pale blue and the pelvic plate was a hard translucent blue plastic. It was covered with a smudge proof film which Jack decided to wait to peel off.

The next layer was the torso. Stomach pale blue and shoulders, chest, and neck black, the chest being a hard plastic forming a chest plate that protected his inner workings. Once again the plastic was covered in a plastic layer.

The final layer. Though jack knew what was coming, his heart still leapt to his throat when he lifted the packaging away. A lifeless pale blue head stared back at him. It had his face, the dark, black, hollow eyes stared up, covered with plastic like the rest of the smudgable surfaces. His lips were slightly parted and his hair was mussed in a halo about his head. Laying next to the head was a set of rings, which jack guessed were the decorative wrist, ankle, and head add-ons that showed on the preview. He may or may not use them.

He gently dislodged the head and set it gingerly on the rug along with the torso, and slid the pieces around until each part was in the proper place for assembly. He then laid out each joint at its proper connection point according to the color coded dot stickers.

He surveyed his work, smiling. The others watched intently an he scanned the instructions. He was amazed at how simple they made it for the customer. Everything was magnetized and once it was turned on the wires would lock into place independently. He followed the instructions, fasten the joints magnetically to their respective positions, tighten a few small screws into the chest plate for extra security…

And it was done. Jack gently sat the sleek robot on a chair as the instructions had asked. He hooked it up to its charging cable, a surprisingly thin wire plugged directly into what would be its brain stem.

The next step was to remove the plastic. The absolute best part of getting a new electronic. He took care of the pelvis first, the film peeling off like a knife through butter. The chest plate was the largest, making him feel like a magician whipping a cloth from a table.

Almost done. The last step was the eyes. He ran his nail along the edge, marveling at the smooth black marbles embedded in the baby blue silicone. Each came off with ease, revealing a set of coal black, glimmering eyes.

Jack stepped back and surveyed the assembled bot.

“Ready?”

The gang nodded in ecstatic anticipation.

And he flicked it on.  
Jack stepped back as the bots eyes flared to life, a glowing blue ring spun on the blacks, thinking and preparing to come to life. It blinked. It stretched its neck to one side then the other, loosening the tightly pulled silicone. The friction from the expansion and breath of the new plastic wafted a faint smell of hot rubber.

The egos beamed. All except Anti who tried to look disinterested but was failing miserably.

The android locked his eyes on Jack, then drifted across the others. “Who is my administrator?”

Jack spoke up before any of the other could, raking across them with warning eyes. He knew they’d all be tempted. “Jack.”

The android fixed its gaze on him, it’s eyes spinning as it thought it over. It raised one brow in confusion.

“Facial recognition scanners appear to be malfunctioning. I detect identical facial structures.”

Jack chuckled. “You’re not malfunctioning. We all look alike.”

The robot narrowed its eyes. “Unlikely.”

“Oh we know. It’s complicated. Your administrator is the one with brown hair.”

The android nodded. “Understood. That I can use.” It smiled, giving Jack some relief. He was glad it had human emotions. Even If only replicating them.

The bot confirmed its findings. “You are my admin,” he focused on Jack, “and your name is Jack. Correct?”

Jack smiled. “Correct.”

The robot turned to face the others, a slight mechanical buzz emanating from his joints. “Are you going to introduce me to the others?”

Jack chuckled as Chase squealed and Robbie trotted over, armless, from the couch in excitement. The android inspected Robbie with concern.

“Is the violet one okay? My archives inform me that humans are intended to have arms.”

Jack sighed. “You have much to learn. At this point just know that this particular family wont really match your archives.”

The androids eyes spun. And spun. And kept spinning. Jack began to worry that he’d given it too much information and short circuited the thing. But finally the rings returned to solid blue. “Understood.”

Jack smiled. “Good. Now you wanted to meet the others?” The robot nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes Jack.” Jack grinned at the words. He rarely heard something so compliant in the chaos of this house. He took Robbie’s shoulders, making the zombie blink and grin as he realized he was being introduced.

“This is Robbie the Zombie. He’s a zombie. And he’ll need a lot of help reattaching limbs and such.”

The robot nodded. “Robbie. The purple one. Nice to meet you Robbie! Robbie the Zombie has been added to my database.” He smiled at Robbie, making him giggle in excitement.

Jack took Chases shoulders next. “This is Chase Brody! He’ll often need help with stunt setups, but nothing too dangerous! He may also be in need of emotional comfort at times if I’m extremely busy.” Chase groaned.

“Jack…I’m fine.”

The robot nodded despite Chases protests. “Chase. The bright yellow-green hair. Hi Chase! You have been added to my internal database.” Chase smiled slightly.

And on jack went, inputting each ego into the robots database.

“And then there’s Shneep, or Henrik. Henrik von Shneepelstein. He wears glasses and speaks in a different accent.”

The android confirmed. “Henrik, to be introduced later. Added.”

Jack smiled in satisfaction. “More to be added later of course.”

The android responded with a single eye turn in confirmation. “Now do you wish to give me a name? This is not mandatory yet recommended.”

Of fucking course he was going to give it a name. He’d thought about it, he wanted to use alliteration like he often did in his naming. He also wanted it to be connected to the family but also to its roots.

“Your name is Alexepticeye. Alex for short. Alex the Android.”

The robot smiled. “Alex. I like it!” It warmed jacks heart to hear even though he was pretty sure it was impossible for it to dislike a name given by its administrator.

“I’m glad. Welcome to the family Alex.”

~~~

Alex’s fans hummed softly in content as he prepared BLTs for all the egos. Jack had told him to call them that, “egos”. It confused him considering an ego was an inflated feeling of self worth or importance and/or a separate character within ones mind. But Jack had also informed him that their family was not normal and he took that to heart.

Family; a group of people affiliated either by consanguinity (by recognized birth), affinity (by marriage or other relationship), or co-residence.

Jack had started calling him part of the family almost immediately. From his experiences and what he’d heard they didn’t seem to be biologically related or maritally related, so this family relied on the third definition.

He liked being in the family. He did their chores and helped Jack feel better about the work he had to do. All the other egos started calling him family later on, and it made him happy. They were all very kind to him, even when they gave him chores. They always said please and thank you and made sure to be kind. They made sure not to overload his queue with tasks as he’d requested as well, which was quite embarrassing for him to do as his sole function was tasks. But there were very many tasks in this house. The only one who wasn’t always so nice was Anti. Something about the way he glitched interfered with Alex’s software and his circuits felt unsafe and static. But he ignored it as it wasn’t his business to question his users.

“Alex!” He pinged to attention, turning toward the sound. A masked man trotted over with a grin.

“Hello Marvin! Do you need something?”

The magician held out a deck of cards. “Pick a card!”

Alex’s fans whirred with secret amusement. Marvin’s tricks were always obvious to him, as he had the internet to tell him every illusion and how it’s done. His scanners could also lock to a card and trace its path. But he enjoyed the fluidity of Marvin’s motions and enjoyed his enthusiasm. He was a very skilled illusionist. So he always played along. He picked a card.

“Have you memorized it?” Alex nodded. “Put it on the top of the deck.” He did. The magician shuffled with great skill and grace, bridging the cards and flourishing them between his hands. He picked one. “Is THIS your card???”

Alex widened his eyes. “It is!” He clapped his silicon hands and grinned. Marvin beamed until his apple cheeks shifted his mask. He yelped and pulled it back on. “Was this the reason you called me?”

Marvin shook his head. “Jack wants us to visit the Ipliers! He wants to do a video with Mark. And that means we get to see them!” He grinned. Alex smiled back though he didn’t quite understand.

“What is an Iplier?” His databases came up with nothing as he searched. There was no definition. Unless it was a last name. “Is it a last name?”

Marvin chuckled. “Sort of. It’s like how we’re the Septiceyes! Search ‘Markiplier’. He has egos just like us! We call those the Ipliers.”

The Android scrolled through the pages. Markiplier seemed to be a youtuber just like Jack. And his egos looks just like him just as their family looked like Jack. But something unsettled him.

“They all seem much more… dangerous. Than us. Is that correct?”

Marvin rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah… most of them are pretty evil. But they’re fun to hang out with all the same! They’re eccentric. Pretty much a lot of Antis in a way…”

Alex’s vision glowed red with unease. He didn’t respond well to that description… he didn’t like Antis all that much… “Do you know if I’ll like any?”

Marvin smiled. “Mark actually owns two androids! One of them had some weird upgrade that formed three more too… so there’s five like you! Maybe six if you count Mini but he rarely comes out.”

Alex tipped his head. “Upgrade? To form more bots? That should not be possible.” His searches turned up with nothing about the phenomena. It seemed unrealistic.

“Well I don’t know then. I just know there are four Googles now!” Alex pinged in excitement. A Google?! Almost tied to Alexa IRL models in regards and efficiency, Google IRL models were the first ever to hit the market. They were a craze among the robotics community and AI science as a whole, and the first android a consumer would look at due to their widespread popularity. It would be an honor to meet one much less four!

“What is the other? And this ‘Mini’?”

“A Bing model! Mini was his attempt at trying what Google did.”

Another anomaly? Within a Bing IRL model? Something so simple and prone to malfunctions… it didn’t seem possible for it to preform such a feat. He had searched Bing models. They are prone to denying tasks and answering questions incorrectly. They tended to develop “personalities”, “human tendencies”, and, he shuddered, “hobbies”. This was most likely because of the inferiority to much more popular search engines and companies. Like Google. Or Alexa.

Some liked them for their malfunctions, hoping to get something more human and unpredictable, but there were many cases of errors, breakdowns, accidental self-destruction or injury of a user due to dangerous habits or developed hobbies… he hoped the one Marvin spoke of was not so reckless.

“Interesting… when are we leaving? Jack does want me to come correct?”

“Of course he does! We’re leaving around three.”

“Understood. Could you ask Chase if he will be okay with mayonnaise on his sandwich?”

Marvin nodded and trotted off happily, fidgeting with his deck of cards. Alex smiled and continued making lunch. He kept scrolling in his mind, researching this “Markiplier”. He was much like Jack, though American, he was half Korean and half German, he was a known friend of Jack’s… he kept gathering information, purposely avoiding that of the egos as he wanted to be surprised.

Marvin shouted from the living room. “He’s fine with mayo!”

Alex pinged loudly in response, acknowledging the magician. He may as well finish his chores before wondering about these “Ipliers”. He’d meet them soon enough.  
“Alex!”

Alex pinged to life. He looked up from mending one of Antis shirts at the coffee table. “Yes Jack?”

“It’s time to go! I’m excited for you to meet everyone! Cmon!”

Alex checked his internal clock to see that it was three pm. He smiled and got up. “I am excited too! Should I bring my work to finish?”

“Nah, just leave it on the table, you can finish later. Anti’s gonna warp us all, cmon.”

Alex set the shirt aside and his sewing kit retracted into his hip. He followed Jack to the main area. When Chase saw him he smiled and grabbed his hand to pull him into the group.

“Just hold on, it may feel kinda weird. It takes some getting used to.”

Alex looked into the center of the group to see Anti grab Jack and Jamie’s wrists. His internal fans whirred softly in unease. He whispered to Chase.

“Are we sure he won’t do something bad?” He felt wrong doubting a user, but from what he knew Anti was quite unpredictable.

“Nah we’ve done this a lot. He’s like our taxi. He likes Mark’s place anyway with all the chaos. It’s his element.”

Alex’s danger sensors stirred in his brain stem. “Chaos? Wh-“

Suddenly his sensors went off. Orange light blared in his vision and his stabilizers went haywire, frying almost completely. What was going on?! None of his senses functioned. He was blind and deaf besides the screaming of alarms and warnings in his head. His scanners detected nothing they were programmed for! His fans whirred to contain his overheating as his functions worked to make things normal-

“Alex! Alex are you okay?!” He opened his eyes to see Jack leaning over him, a sharp worry in his eyes. His sensors calmed as he began to redevelop color vision and proper hearing. “What happened?!”

“Mÿ šęńßørs-“ his voice distorted violently. A humming sounded in his chest as he stabilized. “My sensors malfunctioned… my apologies for worrying you.”

Jack sat next to Alex. “You don’t need to be sorry. It was obviously the teleportation. The people who made you didn’t know how to program you for the space between here and there. I should have realized it may cause problems…” Jack hugged his shoulder.

Alex nodded. “I’m okay now.” He shakily got to his feet and helped Jack from the grass. They were in the front yard of a large house. And, according to his internal mapping system, they were in Los Angeles. Far from Brighton.

He brushed grass from his jeans and grey graphic t-shirt. Jack had insisted he wear clothing even when he explained the illogicality of the offer. He had nothing to cover, and he didn’t want to use Jacks clothes if Jack needed them. But His administrator was adamant. He said that if Alex were to be part of the family, he’d wear clothes like a proper person. He would take none of Alex’s explanations that he was no such thing.

“Is this the house of the Ipliers?” He looked up at the building. It looked normal enough.

“Yes.” Shneep approached him from behind. “This is the place.” He leaned into Alex to whisper. “I personally do not know why the others like them so much. I personally know of nobody I can tolerate in that house. Besides Mark himself of course.”

Alex’s unease only built. “There are four Google models correct? They could do no wrong. It’s against code.” Shneep scoffed.

“If there is such a code they do not follow it.” He walked back to the group to count heads, leaving Alex to stand and think. But not for long.

“Okay gang, lets go!” Jack turned to lead them out but stopped. He turned to Alex. “I almost forgot. When they open the door, make sure to step to the side immediately.”

“Why?

“Just trust me.” He lead them up the porch and rang the bell. After thirty seconds or so, the doorknob started to turn. Jack swept everyone to the side. Alex watched intently to see what would happen.

The door flung open with a swarm of floating objects hat Alex identified as bubbles. Pink bubbles. A knife shot through the swarm and stuck into the yard. Then another. And another. And a third. A guttural giggle sounded.

“Ohhh, Thwarted again, curse you my friends! Skilled dodgers! Come in come in!”

Alex’s eyes were wide and his vision readjusted from its lock on the daggers stuck deep in the dirt. He looked at the assailant. The man had pink hair and a well groomed bubblegum colored mustache. He turned his eyes to Alex, making his adrenaline simulations spike. They were pink and brown twists, like chocolate and strawberry frosting swirled together.

“And who do we have here?! A new recruit?! Everyone inside, the others are excited to see you!” He swung something around his finger, which Alex was surprised he’d never noticed. A golden handgun. This man put him on edge, and he prepared himself to defend his users with force if nessesary. But nobody else seemed as worried as they should have been. They entered the house with no objection. Alex followed warily.

A fiery red haired man in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform was the first to approach.

“SENPAI!” He ran up and wrapped Robbie in a hug. He lifted him into his arms and nuzzled him. Lifting his head, he growled menacingly at the others. Robbie giggled.

“Calm! Alex, this is Yandereplier. Yan this is our new android Alex!” Alex looked at the man.

“Is he safe?” Yan narrowed his eyes.

“She, actually. Yan is a girl. And she’s good if-“

“If you DON'T TOUCH HIM.” She bared her teeth menacingly and Alex took a step back. He nodded in acknowledgement. All the egos scattered in different directions, all seeming on their own mission.

At that moment there was a loud shout from upstairs. “Why’d nobody tell me?!” A man came running down the stairs. He had mussed, chocolate brown hair and seemed fully human. Alex immediately identified him as Mark.

“Hey Mark!” Jack went over to greet him.

“Sorry, I had headphones in. Glad to have you over. The camera’s already set up. You brought everyone right?” He looked around the egos.

“Yep. Why?”

“You seem to be one short.”

Jack whipped around. It was true. They seemed to be missing-

“ANTI!” A menacing voice rumbled from upstairs followed by a distorted giggle. The sound of crashing and falling objects ensued. Mark sighed.

“You talked to him about sneaking up on Dark didn’t you?”

“You know he doesn’t listen to me.” Jack sighed, exasperated. Alex kept his eyes on the ceiling. That voice must have belonged to Mark’s lead evil ego. His vision glowed slightly orange.

“Eh, what can ya do. Is this the new guy?” Alex looked down to find mark surveying him. Jack rolled his eyes.

“No, this is a different Alexa brand android that is custom built to look exactly like me.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Do I get an introduction?”

Alex smiled. “Alexepticeye! Alexa IRL PIN number 776435! It is a pleasure to meet you Mark Fischbach, alias Markiplier.” He let out his hand and Mark shook it, smiling.

“None of my androids are this well behaved…”

Jack smiled. “I’ve only had him a couple weeks. We’ll see.”

Alex beeped in offense. “I promise I’ll always behave myself Jack!”

Jack looked over and smiled. “I know. You’ve been great. The perfect helper.”

Alex grinned and his inner workings warmed. Mark smiled at him.

“Hey, lets introduce you to everyone why don’t we?” Alex nodded and Mark smiled.

At that moment, a man with a bandage around his eyes strode through the room. He was mumbling under his breath and sipping a mug of coffee while reading the paper. But as Alex enhanced his hearing modules he realized his mumbling wasn’t the words on the paper.

“As the Host made his way through the room nearest to the houses entrance, he acknowledged both Mark and, as he noticed with delight, Jack, a close friend of his family. He shifted his paper slightly to one hand to give them a small wave, but before he could he noticed another form.” The man raised a brow as if he’d just noticed Alex. “Not human by the looks of him, blue skin and joints of glowing plastic. The android Mark had mentioned to the family previously. He set his beverage and paper down to approach the newcomer.”

The man, whom Alex could only assume was the Host, made his way over. Alex tilted his head at the strange mumbling man as he continued to narrate every action. “Hello. I’m Alexepticeye. Alex. Jacks new android!” He held out his hand.

“‘Pleasure to meet you.’ exclaimed the Host, shaking the powder blue silicon hand of the bot. He appreciated the firm grip, as he always trusted a man who new how to properly shake a hand.”

Alex was confused. “Why are you narrating sir, if that’s not rude?”

“The Host was used to having to explain himself no matter how frustrating it became. But this kind android wasn’t worth getting upset over. ‘It’s the only way I can see, what with my eyes missing. I view the world through the power of my own words.’ He knew it was still confusing to the poor android but it was the best way of keeping it brief. He silently hoped he would not ask any more questions, as he enjoyed keeping introductions brief. His coffee was getting cold. But as a polite man he wasn’t about to state his discomfort aloud.”

Alex looked at the man for a moment in blatant confusion. But he liked his unique personality, and his words were nice to listen to. “Well then, thank you for explaining. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.” He smiled pleasantly. The Host nodded and went on his way.

After he’d left, Alex turned to Mark. “What a strange and interesting man!”

Mark chuckled. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”  
Alex followed Mark happily as he gave the android a tour of the house. He’d had to decline an offer of a drink though he knew it was out of hospitality. It would have been worthless to his system. Androids could eat and drink, that was true, but it did nothing for them, and Alex didn’t want to waste Marks wine.

“And here’s the main area, this is normally where the gang hangs out when they’re bored. A few of them never seem to be bored though, busy or just energetic. But we’ll introduce you to the rest when we get to it. They must be in their bedrooms.”

The main area was large and cozy looking. Big windows bathed the couches and cocoa-colored shag rug with light, and a large television was hung over a black slate fireplace. It would be a nice place to sew repairs and fold laundry. Alex liked this house already. He hoped he liked the egos so he could spend more time here.

“This is the dining room. I know what you’re thinking, none of the rooms quite match, but with a lot of personalities it’s the only way to make them all happy.”

The dining room was much more… gloomy. Foreboding. Another nicer word could be ‘cultured’ or ‘classy’. It was full of dark browns and deep reds, a gold chandelier hung over the table, with odd sharp spines that may the robot slightly uncomfortable. The floor was a dark glossy hardwood, and a large, maroon, oval rug covered the floor where the table say. It was quite a large table, able to accommodate a lot of egos. Mark motioned him to the next room.

“And here’s the kitchen! It’s probably one of the most-“

“Blue Robo Man! It’s lovely to see you again after so long!” The pink man from earlier twirled over and shook Alex’s hand vigorously. He had a dusting of white flour in his mustache. The robot already understood he must be cautious with this unstable specimen.

“Actually sir, it’s only been a total of eleven minutes and thirty eight seconds since we first met. It would generally be socially accepted as odd to classify that as a long time to be apart.”

The strawberry man chuckled gutturaly. “Socially accepted as odd? Oh boy buddy my pal do you have a lot to learn!” He ruffled the bots hair.

“Alex, meet Wilford Warfstache. Though you seem to have met before… sorry for whatever he did. Whatcha been doin in the kitchen Warf?” Mark expertly diverted the mans attention and discreetly made room between the bubblegum lunatic and the robot with ease. It seemed he had practice.

“Well, making a cake of course! We can’t welcome a new friend without a welcome cake!”

“Actually, the most common way to welcome-“ Mark clasped a hand over Alex’s mouth before he could share his search results.

“Of course we can’t, what was I thinking? You get to that, I’ll just continue showing Alex around the house.”

“Alex? A powerful name! Well I’ll make sure to not forget it! It’s been quite a pleasure meeting you Alice!” Warfstache turned back to his batter.

“Actually-“ Mark elbowed the confused androids side and shook his head as if the argument wasn’t worth it. Alex sighed softly and let Mark continue the tour. He did like the kitchen, with it’s bright pinks and joyful patterns and trims. It must have been the room to reflect Wilford's personality. But their time there was up, it was time to move onto more of the house.

Mark moved at a quick pace and Alex had to pick up speed to keep up. It felt like they were trying to avoid something but he couldn’t imagine what.

“And here’s the bathrooms, I doubt you’ll need them…”

The bathrooms were nice, pastels and browns. He couldn’t tell if they were supposed to represent anyone. But of course Mark was right, he wouldn’t need to be there at all. Androids don’t have waste besides oil changes.

“And the hall I guess if you care. That’s almost everything… OH! Of course, the meeting room!” He took Alex to the end of the hall and opened a large glass door. At this point it seemed to stop being a house and became more of an office. There was a long table in a glass paneled room with a tv at one end.

“We used to fit everyone but we’ve just been growing and adding more members.” He motioned to a stack of folding chairs in the corner. “That’s our temporary solution for now. Well that’s everything downstairs. Upstairs is just bedrooms and another bathroom. Do you still wanna see it?”

Alex nodded. “Why not? I like learning and seeing new things!”

Mark smiled and motioned Alex to a spiral staircase. Suddenly he froze and listened. Alex tuned his hearing. Footsteps… but not normal footsteps… oblong, out of pace steps, and loud whispers he could barely make out. Mark grabbed his arm with urgency.

“You aren’t ready to meet them yet. I should talk to them first. Now quick! Up the stairs!” He pushed the android to the steps and Alex began to climb quickly, his vision pulsing a slight orange. Whatever scared Mark like this must be dangerous!

“JIM! You were right! A new one! Its another robo! Follow me, we’ll get the scoop!”

The voices didn’t seem too scary, but as he heard the pounding of dress shoes advancing up the steps, he wasn’t about to take any chances. He heard Mark grunt as he tried to hold them off.

“You can talk to him later! What are you doing out of your room?”

“We heard the voices of Ireland! We had to investigate to see our good friends! But there was a brand new one! We’ve gotta be the firsts to see!”

Mark sighed. “Later, I’m showing him around first. Just talk to Wilford or something, he’s making cake, get a scoop on that.”

“He makes many cakes! There are not many new Septics! Let us pass, the viewers need to see!”

“Your viewers can see later. Shoo!” There was silence for a few moments. Then a grunt, a bang, and the sound of running closed in on the terrified robot.

“YOU SIR!” Alex yelped as he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. A man in a light blue dress shirt pinned him down at the top of the steps. “Where have you come from? What video?!”

“V-video?” The poor androids voice distorted a bit in fear. He was practically touching foreheads to the man.

“Every one of us are from a video! Or thumbnail in the zombo's case! Which one?!”

“Um… Jack just bought me eleven days ago. I’m his personal helper. He was feeling overwhelmed with the egos so I help him with chores around the house.”

“Interesting! So Jack hates the others and makes you deal with them!”

“No! No that’s not it, he was sleep deprived and overwhelmed, he still loves everyone!”

“He was on the brink of death and you were his savior! Are you getting this Jim?!” The man behind the camera nodded. He looked similar, but with a tie and a darker blue shirt.

“That’s not-!” Finally he man was yanked add of him.

“JIM. You have enough. Go play somewhere else.” Mark spoke sternly to the reporter. The blue shirted man crept back slightly.

“Fine. But we’ll be back later after we have cake!” He scampered off, the other Jim trailing behind him.

Alex adjusted his stabilizers and his vision stopped glowing. “Thank you Mark. Who were those two?”

Mark sighed. “The Jims. Twin brothers. They like to pretend they’re famous reporters and the fandom isn’t really helping. They love their antics, probably cause they don’t have to live with them. They are endearing in some ways. Annoying as hell in most ways.”

Alex sensed his annoyance and put a hand on his shoulder. “No worries! It is no problem at all. Let’s just continue the tour.” Mark smiled a bit and nodded.

“Course.” He lead Alex down to the hallway and The android followed with cautious optimism. If the egos so far had been this energetic, the probability was high that the others would be much more mellow. It only made sense.

It was a very long hall. Each door of each room was personalized with a simple brass name tag, along with whatever stickers or signs seemed to be covering some.

“Have you lived here long? I thought some egos were new…”

“Yeah, this house is kinda magic in some ways. Can’t really explain it. Every time a new ego appears the hall extends. Adds a new room. It saves the hassle of figuring out who sleeps where.” Mark spoke as if it was old news. Alex looked down in awe. His irises spun to process the update in known physical possibilities.

“Fascinating…”

Mark took him to the first door. It looked gooey, and had flowery stickers and smiley faces, contrasting the multiple pentagrams traced sloppily in what seemed like blood.

“That’s Goop's room. You’ll rarely see him, he normally keeps to himself around anyone but his favorite family members. And me I guess cause I’m kinda the boss.” Alex nodded. He took a mental note.

Mark led him further, passing one room with a bull skull hung in a saloon-type style. The door itself seemed to smell of whiskey. Conversation could be heard beyond the door. Mark knocked.

“Anyone in there? Jack got an android. New ego. I’m showing him around, wanna meet?”

There was a rustling. A man in suspenders and a southern style hat stepped out along with an unrecognizable man in an alien suit.

“Nice ta meetcha!” The southern man shook his hand vigorously. “Say, you wouldn’t be interested in-“

“He doesn’t wanna buy any children Ed.” The alien shook Alex’s hand carelessly. “You’ll get used to him.” The masked man sniffed the air. “Is that cake?”

“Yeah, Wil is-“ before Mark could finish his sentence they were off. Mark chuckled. “Don’t mind them. Silver and Ed. They flock together normally. The poor guys barely get attention. I think that’s the main reason they hang out.” He continued on as if nothing had happened and Alex followed. They passed another room across from Ed’s. It was sprayed silver in spots and had UFO stickers spread about. It wasn’t hard to tell it was Silvers.

As they passed the next room Alex could make out fast chatter. “TRUST me I’ll make it fabulous don’t you worry! Bin Trimmer’ll knock the socks off that crowd! Yup! First day? When’s dress?” Frantic pen scribbling sounded from the door. “Okay! No, thank you!” A loud clap startled Alex. A man in a white dress shirt and fresh pressed trousers threw open the glossy door and breathed in. “MARK- oh!” He seemed to notice the two eavesdroppers.

“Yeah Bim?”

“Who’s this?” The man eyed the pale blue android.

“A new Septic ego. Alex. An android.” Mark motioned to Alex and he smiled kindly.

“Another Septic? Psh, I stopped keeping track after the purple one. Yknow something more important?! I just got booked for the first time in three months! New show, Wheel of Hell, and I’m hosting!”

Mark patted Alex’s shoulder comfortingly. “Don’t worry, he’s like this with everyone.” He turned his attention back to Bim. “Nice man! No eating contestants or incorporating instant death this time though. How you manage to keep a valid resume is still beyond me. It could be nice if you could help pull some of your own weight though finally.” He clapped a hand in the clean shaven mans back. “Nice job though. I’ll support you until it’s proven wrong.”

“Won’t have to worry about that this time… you… BIM TRIMMER has got this!” He trotted off merrily, most likely to inform the others.

“Did he… forget your name?”

“That happens when he’s excited sometimes. It’s nothing personal.”

Alex nodded. “How many am I yet to meet?” Mark counted on his fingers. It seemed he also had trouble keeping track.

“Five. Eight if you count the googles separate but they’re sort of a hive mind. We won’t even bother with Mini, he’s only ever happened a few times spontaneously and not anytime recently.”

A dash of fur scampered across the hall leaving trace drips of what Alex could identify as peanut butter.

“Four… that was His Majesty, King of the Squirrels.” Mark smirked. He obviously liked the fast ball of fur. “He’s a bit shy around non-animals. It’ll take a bit to gain his trust. Best to leave that for later.”

The next rooms were empty. There were three left. One was plastered with extreme sports posters and caution tape. Another was a darker wood with a gold nameplate in contrast to the other bronze ones. The last was plain and bare, with a steel nameplate. He read the nameplates. Darkiplier and Googleplier. He couldn’t find the third among the jumble, but through process of elimination he could assume it was Bings. He smiled. These were the egos he anticipated meeting. With one he dreaded meeting…

“Oh! Looks like it’s breakfast.” Mark was looking at his phone. “Will made pancakes.”

“Breakfast?” He checked his global clocks to find that their arrival at four was eight AM in California. He hadn’t noticed it was morning here. He sighed, disappointed. “Will I still be able to meet the androids? And Darkiplier?”

Mark smiled. “‘Course. Everyone will be at breakfast. It’s an early bird house.”

Alex nodded happily and followed him down the stairs.


End file.
